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All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
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"All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth"
Single by Spike Jones & His City Slickers
Released
1948
Genre
Novelty, Christmas
Label
RCA Victor
Songwriter(s)
Donald Yetter Gardner
"All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" is a novelty Christmas song written in 1944 by Donald Yetter Gardner[1] while teaching music at public schools in Smithtown, New York. He asked his second grade class what they wanted for Christmas, and noticed that almost all of the students had at least one front tooth missing as they answered in a lisp. Gardner wrote the song in 30 minutes. In a 1995 interview, Gardner said, "I was amazed at the way that silly little song was picked up by the whole country."[2][3] The song was published in 1948 after an employee of Witmark music company heard Gardner sing it at a music teachers conference.[2][3]
The song was introduced in 1948 by singing group The Satisfiers on Perry Como's radio show,[4] and originally recorded by Spike Jones & His City Slickers on December 6, 1947, with lead vocal by George Rock. That version reached the top of the pop charts in 1948, and again in 1949.[3] The song has also been recorded by numerous other singers and performers, including Ray Stevens,[5] George Strait, Danny Kaye with The Andrews Sisters, Urbie Green, The Platters, Dread Zeppelin, The Kelly Family,[6] Nat King Cole (reportedly Gardner's favorite version),[2] The Chipmunks, the Hampton String Quartet, The Three Stooges and Count von Count of Sesame Street.
In the versions by Spike, The Chipmunks (Theodore on lead vocals), and Ray Stevens, the song ends with the performer shouting the words "Happy New Year!!!"
Homer and Jethro parodied the song as "All I Want for Christmas Is My Upper Plate", on their 1968 album Cool Crazy Christmas.
Drag performer and singer RuPaul parodied the song on his Christmas album Ho, Ho, Ho. In his version, the singer lists "a litany of plastic surgery requests" that he would like to receive for the holiday.[7]
In 1986, the song title was parodied in "All I Want for Christmas Is a Dukla Prague Away Kit" by the band Half Man Half Biscuit on The Trumpton Riots EP.
Country music parodist Cledus T. Judd parodied the song on his 2002 Christmas album Cledus Navidad. Titled "All I Want for Christmas Is Two Gold Front Teef", Judd's parody is performed in rap.[citation needed]
See also[edit]
List of number-one singles of 1949 (U.S.)
References[edit]
Jump up ^ Ancestry.com. Social Security Death Index [database on-line]. Provo, UT, USA: The Generations Network, Inc., 2009.
^ Jump up to: a b c "Donald Yetter Gardner, 91, Songwriter". The New York Times. September 22, 2004. p. B-8.
^ Jump up to: a b c Oliver, Myrna (September 26, 2004). "Donald Gardner, 91; Wrote the Popular 'Two Front Teeth' Christmas Tune". Los Angeles Times.
Jump up ^ "Angels We Have Heard: The Christmas Song Stories". James Richliano. 2002.
Jump up ^ "Encyclopedia of Recorded Comedy Music". AllMusic. Retrieved July 11, 2013.
Jump up ^ "Christmas for All". Discogs. Retrieved July 11, 2013.
Jump up ^ Newman, Melinda (December 6, 1997). "Fresh from Santa's Music Workshop: Some Sets For The Naughty, Most Nice". Billboard. Eldridge Industries. Archived from the original on April 10, 2017.
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=All_I_Want_for_Christmas_Is_My_Two_Front_Teeth&oldid=826035103"
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American Christmas songs
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List of Birds of a Feather episodes
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This article needs additional citations for verification. Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. (May 2012) (Learn how and when to remove this template message)
Current title card (2014–)
The following is a list of episodes for the British sitcom Birds of a Feather, that aired on BBC One from 16 October 1989 to 24 December 1994 and again from 26 May 1997 to 24 December 1998. The series returned over 15 years later, with its tenth series which aired on 2 January 2014 to 6 March 2014 on ITV. A Christmas special aired on 26 December 2014 whilst series eleven aired from 1 January to 12 February 2015. Series 12 aired from 7 January to 25 February 2016. A Christmas special aired on 24 December 2016. A Christmas special aired on 18th December 2017. Series 13 has been ordered but will not air until early 2018. A total of 128 episodes have aired.
Contents
[hide]
1 Broadcast
2 Series overview
3 Episodes
3.1 Series 1 (1989)
3.2 Series 2 (1990)
3.3 Series 3 (1991)
3.4 Series 4 (1992)
3.5 Series 5 (1993)
3.6 Series 6 (1994)
3.7 Series 7 (1997)
3.8 Series 8 (1998)
3.9 Series 9 (1998)
3.10 Series 10 (2014)
3.11 Series 11 (2015)
3.12 Series 12 (2016)
3.13 Series 13 (2018)
4 References
5 External links
Broadcast[edit]
The first series, of six episodes, aired from 16 October to 20 November 1989 on Mondays at 8.30pm. A Christmas special aired on 26 December 1989 at 9.00pm. The second series aired for fifteen episodes from 6 September to 13 December 1990 on Thursdays at 8.30pm, followed by a Christmas Special on Boxing Day at 8.20pm.[1]
The twelve-episode third series aired from 31 August to 16 November 1991 on Saturdays at 8.00pm, followed by a Christmas special on Christmas Day at 8.00pm. The fourth series, of thirteen episodes, aired from 6 September to 29 November 1992 on Sundays at 8.40pm, with a Christmas Day special at 8.00pm. Series five for thirteen episodes on Sundays at 8.20pm from 5 September to 28 November 1993, with a Christmas Special on 25 December 1993 at 8.00pm.[1]
The sixth series aired from 18 September to 18 December 1994, for twelve episodes, on Sundays at 7.30pm. A Christmas Special followed on 24 December at 8.55pm. A special flashback episode, The Chigwell Years, was broadcast on Sunday 3 March 1996. It is now regarded as part of the seventh series. After a three-year hiatus, ten-episode seventh series aired from 26 May to 28 July 1997 on Mondays at 9.30pm, with a Christmas special on 27 December 1997 at 9.25pm.
The eighth series aired from 5 January to 9 February 1998, on Mondays at 8.30pm, for six episodes. The ninth series, also of six episodes, aired from 16 November to 24 December 1998, mostly on Mondays at 8.30pm.[1] The tenth series began on 2 January 2014 on ITV, consisting of 8 episodes, airing at 8.30pm. The first episode gave the network its highest ratings for a comedy drama in 14 years attracting 8 million.[2]
Series 10 (the first on ITV) aired from 2 January to 6 March 2014. ITV renewed Birds of a Feather for Series 11 (the second on ITV), which aired from 26 December 2014 to 12 February 2015. A twelfth series had been commissioned (the third for ITV) which aired on 7 January to 25 February 2016.
As of 2017, there have been a total of 127 episodes. 95 are 30 minutes long and 24 are 22 minutes long. The 1990 Christmas special was 75 minutes, the 1993 Christmas special was 60 minutes long, while the 1991, 1992, 1994 and 1997 Christmas specials were 50 minutes in duration. The final BBC episode, which aired on Christmas Eve 1998, was 40 minutes long.[1] The 2016 Christmas special on ITV was 45 minutes long, and the 2017 Christmas special on ITV was also 45 minutes long.
Series overview[edit]
Series
Episodes
Originally broadcast
Series premiere
Series finale
Special(s)
Network
1 7 16 October 1989 20 November 1989 26 December 1989 (Christmas Special) BBC One
2 16 6 September 1990 13 December 1990 26 December 1990 (Christmas Special)
3 13 31 August 1991 16 November 1991 25 December 1991 (Christmas Special)
4 14 6 September 1992 29 November 1992 25 December 1992 (Christmas Special)
5 14 5 September 1993 28 November 1993 25 December 1993 (Christmas Special)
6 15 18 September 1994 18 December 1994 24 December 1994 (Christmas Special)
3 March 1996 (Flashback episode)
7 11 26 May 1997 28 July 1997 27 December 1997 (Christmas Special)
8 6 5 January 1998 9 February 1998 N/A
9 6 16 November 1998 14 December 1998 24 December 1998 (Christmas Special)
10 9 2 January 2014 6 March 2014 26 December 2014 (Christmas Special) ITV
11 7 1 January 2015[3] 12 February 2015 N/A
12 10[4] 7 January 2016[4] 25 February 2016 24 December 2016 (Christmas Special)
18 December 2017 (Christmas Special)
Episodes[edit]
Series 1 (1989)[edit]
#
Episode
Writer/s
Director
Original airdate
Viewership
Running time
Series
1
"Nicked" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Tony Dow 16 October 1989 (1989-10-16) 12.02 30 minutes
Sharon visits Tracey's luxury house, 'Dalentrace', in Chigwell and meets Dorien for the first time. Meanwhile, their husbands, Chris and Darryl, take part in an armed robbery and are later jailed for twelve years. Sharon moves from her high-rise Edmonton flat to stay at Dalentrace with her sister.
2
"Just Visiting" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Tony Dow 23 October 1989 (1989-10-23) 13.03 30 minutes
While Sharon is ecstatic that her no-good husband Chris has been sent to prison, Tracey is desperately missing her beloved Darryl and is on tranquilizers. Now she faces another hurdle - trying to find a way to tell her son, Garth, that his father is in prison.
3
"Shift" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Tony Dow 30 October 1989 (1989-10-30) 12.13 30 minutes
Sharon's day hasn't started well. She accidentally breaks a mug and spills coffee everywhere, and then Tracey accuses her of not paying her way. Tracey is having problems with money, so she and Dorien try to sell some clothes. Meanwhile, Sharon has to go back to her job at the supermarket, but she isn't feeling welcome.
4
"Women's Troubles" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Tony Dow 6 November 1989 (1989-11-06) 12.54 30 minutes
Tracey thinks she might be pregnant. However, on visiting the doctor, Sharon is horrified to discover she is pregnant by Dave, a man she has only recently met. Tracey can't stop herself telling Dave, who is delighted and immediately phones his mother with the good news. Sharon then confesses to Tracey that she has had an abortion.
5
"Cheat!" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Tony Dow 13 November 1989 (1989-11-13) 12.93 30 minutes
Sharon is indignant on discovering that 'Fat Stan', to whom she's sublet the flat in Edmonton, is using the property to store goods, as well as prostitutes. Nevertheless, it does bring about a money-making scheme. Tracey, meanwhile, is still suffering from a combination of depression and financial problems. She and Dorien go out to a dinner-and-dance, where Tracey gets hit on by Dorien's husband Marcus.
6
"Substitute" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Tony Dow 20 November 1989 (1989-11-20) 12.52 30 minutes
Sharon is considering divorcing Chris, and Dorien has football hero Patsy Edwards temporarily living in her house, who becomes very fond of Tracey. She doesn't want to be unfaithful to Darryl, however she suspects him of having an affair with a mysterious woman called Juliet.
Special
7
"Sailing" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Geoffrey Sax 26 December 1989 (1989-12-26) 10.64 30 minutes
Tracey receives two tickets for a "Christmas Cruise" in the post - a romantic surprise planned by Darryl before being sent to prison. He booked two tickets as he wanted it to be just Tracey and him, thinking Garth would be on a school trip. Tracey decides to take Garth, annoying Sharon who wanted to go. When Garth telephones to say he will not be home for Christmas, Tracey refuses to go at all. However, Dorien devises a plan to get Tracey and Sharon to go on the cruise.
Series 2 (1990)[edit]
#
Episode
Writer/s
Director
Original airdate
Viewership
Running time
Series
8
"Getting a Grip" Peter Tilbury Nic Phillips 6 September 1990 (1990-09-06) 8.51 30 minutes
Tracey is shocked to receive overdue bills. There is also a letter from Garth, telling Tracey he has had a fight at school and she will have to pay for half the damage. To top it all off, the central heating breaks down and they hire two female plumbers, Alison and Gloria. Shortly after they leave, the tank starts leaking.
9
"Sweet Smell of Success" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Nic Phillips 13 September 1990 (1990-09-13) 10.46 30 minutes
Sharon's former neighbour, Lisa, has made a fortune selling a cheap perfume called 'Aromantique', around town. Sharon and Tracey jump on the bandwagon, as they are in desperate need of money. However, when this proves unsuccessful, Tracey decides to sell Darryl’s Jaguar for money. When a prospective buyer comes to view it, he drives it away. Tracey is later told it has been repossessed as Darryl never kept up the payments. At the next prison visit, Darryl tells her he hid £25,000 in the car’s spare wheel. When Tracey tries to buy the car back, Dorien buys it first to save Tracey’s embarrassment at having the car repossessed.
10
"Young Guns" Keith Lindsay and Martin Tomms Nic Phillips 20 September 1990 (1990-09-20) 10.55 30 minutes
Garth brings home a 17-year-old handsome school friend, Richard, for the holidays. Sharon and Tracey suspect Garth is gay, and Dorien tells them she thinks Richard is also gay. When Tracey tells Darryl, he is concerned about the effects of people finding out that his son could be gay. Soon after, Tracey and Sharon speak to Garth, who says he is not gay. Moments later, Dorien says she was wrong about Richard being gay, as she has just slept with him.
11
"Muesli" Steve Coombes and Dave Robinson Charlie Hanson 27 September 1990 (1990-09-27) 10.09 30 minutes
The release of a fellow inmate plunges Darryl into depression. The anguish rubs off on Tracey, who decides that in an attempt to understand what Darryl is going through, she will live like a prisoner for the weekend. Sharon decides to join her and they set up the spare bedroom like a prison cell. When Dorien gets locked out of the house while Marcus is away, she stays at Tracey and Sharon's and acts like a prison officer. On Sunday, Dorien returns to her house to find that it has been burgled and forgets to unlock Tracey and Sharon. After a short while, they climb out of the window and throw roof tiles in an attempt to get Dorien's attention. However, when one tile ends up going through the car of a police officer investigating Dorien's burglary, they end up in a real prison cell. Meanwhile, Darryl's cell mate, Gary, cheers him up by trying to relive how Darryl spent his weekends before being sent to prison.
12
"Keep off the Grass" Sue Teddern Charlie Hanson 4 October 1990 (1990-10-04) 10.63 30 minutes
Sharon and Tracey witness a friend of their husbands', Vinny Hutchins, making a speedy getaway from a post office raid in which a pensioner has been injured. While Tracey wants to turn him in, Sharon vehemently disagrees as it's against criminal ethics. After visiting Darryl and Chris, they change their minds. When Dorien is round, they see an appeal on 'Crime Busters' and Dorien recognises Vinny. Sharon and Tracey, after hearing about the reward money, decide to tell the police but Dorien rings first, and uses the money to buy a kitchen from her toyboy Luke, who has been threatened with a move to Northern England unless he sells more kitchens. Tracey, however, blackmails Dorien to give her the kitchen so Vinny's wife can sell it to fund a new life abroad.
13
"Mice" Gary Lawson and John Phelps Charlie Hanson 11 October 1990 (1990-10-11) 10.57 30 minutes
Tracey is disgusted by the state of Sharon's bedroom and it also appears Sharon's poor levels of hygiene have spread throughout the house when Tracey discovers they have mice. After cleaning the house and buying poison, Sharon buys a cat, but it does not seem to have any effect. Eventually, Sharon rings pest control, who reveals that he has been at Dorien's house trying to get rid of a major mice infestation, and the mice have come from her.
14
"Brief Encounter" Peter Tilbury Nic Phillips 18 October 1990 (1990-10-18) 12.08 30 minutes
Sharon goes to the aid of 53-year-old Don Sheridan who is mugged at Chigwell tube station. That evening, they accidentally meet at a bar, and he says he is in Chigwell on business as financial adviser to Marcus, who is apparently near to going under. They go out several times and sleep together, despite him being married. On his final night before going home, they plan to re-live the 1960s by taking drugs, which Sharon had been given to pass to Chris in prison. The police arrive to return Don's wallet, leading Don to flush the drugs down the toilet. Meanwhile, Dorien pays £2000 to have her telephone number changed to 071, as she sees it as more exclusive.
15
"You Pays Yer Money" George Costigan and Julia North Charlie Hanson 25 October 1990 (1990-10-25) 12.68 30 minutes
With an upcoming parliamentary by-election, Sharon discovers that Tracey did not register her to vote in Chigwell. However she did register Darryl, not wanting to admit he was in prison. Darryl agrees that Sharon can buy his vote for £350. Meanwhile, Dorien is backing the Green Party as she fancies the party's agent. While Sharon avidly votes Labour, Tracey is unsure who to vote for, so she arranges for each candidate to pay her a visit. At the polling station, Tracey votes Labour, as does Dorien when she finds out the agent is having a relationship with the Green candidate.
16
"Trust" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Nic Phillips 1 November 1990 (1990-11-01) 12.86 30 minutes
Tracey is doing her best to quit smoking and is undergoing psychotherapy, where she develops a crush on the psychotherapist, Gerald. Darryl suspects she is having an affair and forbids her to see Gerald again. Nonetheless, Tracey soon meets him in a wine bar. She tells Gerald of her feelings, and he says they should not see each other again, as she has developed an emotional dependency. Sharon and Dorien then persuade Tracey not to tell Darryl the feelings she had for Gerald, and before long she is back on the cigarettes.
17
"Thirty Something" Peter Tilbury Nic Phillips 8 November 1990 (1990-11-08) 12.98 30 minutes
As Sharon approaches her 30th birthday, she looks back on her life and regrets her lack of education. She pays a visit to her Edmonton council flat, where she meets Lisa, whose criminal partner is in the property business and Sharon considers buying the flat. Tracey disapproves of the idea. Dorien, however, is more encouraging and goes with Sharon to the flat. However, Lisa's partner is soon sent to prison, and Sharon then takes his place on a holiday with Lisa to Benidorm with Club 18-30.
18
"Love on the Run" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Charlie Hanson 15 November 1990 (1990-11-15) 12.45 30 minutes
Darryl is in hospital and plans to escape for one night so he can be with Tracey. With the help of a nurse, the police guard is drugged, and Darryl and Tracey go to a hotel. Meanwhile, Sharon is spending the night with Martin, an artist she recently met. The following morning, the taxi Darryl and Tracey are in is stopped by the police and the driver is arrested for drink-driving. Tracey rings Sharon, who then drives with Dorien to pick Darryl and Tracey up and take them back to the hospital. They get back just after the guard wakes up and doesn't realise Darryl escaped.
19
"Old Friends" John Ross Sue Bysh 22 November 1990 (1990-11-22) 13.39 30 minutes
While out shopping, Tracey runs into Trish Taylor, her best friend from school, and invites her to stay, as Trish has recently left her husband. Sharon feels left out and also worried that when Darryl gets out of prison, Tracey will make her move out. After taking Dorien's advice, Sharon goes out with Trish, and they get on well. Meanwhile, Tracey is annoyed with both Sharon and Trish - Trish for constantly talking about the old days, and Sharon for not cleaning a saucepan that has been in the sink for several days. Trish soon leaves and goes back to her husband.
20
"Parting" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Nic Phillips 29 November 1990 (1990-11-29) 12.88 30 minutes
Chris begs Sharon to visit him, but she tells him that she plans to sell her wedding ring and forget she ever met him. Then Chris reveals that one of his testicles is expanding, but Sharon doesn't believe him. He is soon diagnosed with a malignant tumor in the testicle. She goes to see him in hospital, and Chris says he still loves her, but Sharon still wants their relationship to end. Tracey is annoyed by this, but Sharon wants to move on with her life. She does agree to continue seeing Chris on occasion.
21
"Jobs for the Girls" Sue Teddern Sue Bysh 6 December 1990 (1990-12-06) 12.90 30 minutes
In order to make money for Christmas, Sharon becomes a dog-walker and cat-sitter, and soon comes up against stiff competition from Dorien's 13-year-old friend Adrian Gold. Meanwhile, Tracey becomes a typist and, after having problems with the typewriter, uses a word processor. She agrees to type up a manuscript for a novel that Dorien has written. Sharon later notices that Dorien's manuscript is largely copied from The French Lieutenant's Woman, and Dorien admits she just wanted Sharon and Tracey to think she had a talent.
22
"Someone Else's Baby" Frankie Bailey Charlie Hanson 13 December 1990 (1990-12-13) 12.68 30 minutes
With the Antiques Roadshow coming to Chigwell, Sharon, Dorien and Tracey go into Tracey and Sharon's loft. Sharon discovers some letters written by her mother suggesting either she or Tracey were adopted. After some arguing between Sharon and Tracey, Sharon invites round their mother's sister, Auntie Sylvie, who finally tells them that they were both adopted but they are still biological sisters. Meanwhile, Dorien goes to the Antiques Roadshow with a family heirloom, but to her horror discovers the Russian Empire vase is in fact a mid-20th century East End fake.
Special
23
"Falling in Love Again" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Nic Phillips 25 December 1990 (1990-12-25) 12.18 75 minutes
Chris owes two fellow prisoners £3000, and their wives threaten Sharon and Tracey. Chris has a plan to raise the money which involves Sharon going to Germany to pick up a collectable car that he had while in Germany with the Army during the Cold War. Sharon manages to win a week in Berlin on the game show Second Time Lucky presented by Leslie Crowther. She is accompanied by Barry, the show's other winner, and Tracey. Sharon and Barry don't get on well and try to keep separate as they tour the city with the cameras while Tracey tracks down the car, with the help of mechanic Manfred. Tracey and Manfred soon start to fall in love with each other. Back in England, Tracey ends their relationship over the telephone when she realises how much she loves Darryl. However, Manfred still sends the car over. Meanwhile, Luke dumps Dorien and she tries to get more romantic with Marcus, who she soon discovers is having an affair with a younger woman.
Series 3 (1991)[edit]
#
Episode
Writer/s
Director
Original airdate
Viewership
Running time
Series
24
"Keeping Up Appearances" Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran Nic Phillips 31 August 1991 (1991-08-31) 9.59 30 minutes
While a prison visit ends with Sharon being ejected for violence, Darryl's appearance seems to have taken a turn for the worse. Nevertheless, he asks Tracey to look sexier on her next visit, so Dorien offers to loan her a selection of revealing outfits.
25
"Tinker, Tailor" Peter Tilbury Charlie Hanson 7 September 1991 (1991-09-07) 11.36 30 minutes
When a man, Charles Fitzroy, knocks on the door one evening asking for some water for his car, Sharon tells him all about Dorien and her relationships, which he seems interested in. After visiting Chris in prison, Sharon suspects that Charles may have been a police spy interested in the proceeds of Darryl and Chris' crimes. Soon after two policemen come round and they ask about the whereabouts of Dorien and Marcus, who needs to be questioned about a major fraud case of which he was the accountant. Sharon tells them they are on holiday in Zurich. When Dorien returns she finds that a Sunday newspaper has an article on her private life, and Sharon and Tracey feel guilty.
26
"Baby Come Back" Sue Teddern Nic Phillips 14 September 1991 (1991-09-14) 10.79 30 minutes
Sharon is at the shopping centre selling double glazing when she meets up with Dave, with whom she had an affair, and whose baby she aborted. However, it transpires that Dave already has a wife who is in fact eight months pregnant, which causes an uneasy relationship between him and Sharon. Meanwhile, Dorien agonises over what to wear to her nephew's briss, and Tracey finds herself missing family life.
27
"Just Family" Geoff Rowley Nic Phillips 21 September 1991 (1991-09-21) 11.85 30 minutes
Darryl's parents, Les and Olive Stubbs, get into touch for the first time since his trial. Despite always hating them, Tracey invites them round for dinner. Dorien insists on coming round for the evening and helping with the cooking - although it later turns out she did this as she was expecting a boyfriend to call her on their number. A few days later Les and Olive write a letter to Darryl saying that Tracey's house is depraved and he suggests they move there from their prefab in Poplar. Tracey and Sharon are horrified by this. When Darryl's parents and Tracey all visit him in prison, an argument soon occurs and he finds out what his parents are really like.
28
"Confidence" Gary Lawson and John Phelps Charlie Hanson 28 September 1991 (1991-09-28) 10.97 30 minutes
With money tight, Sharon has taken a job, but Tracey seems reluctant to follow, despite Sharon and Dorien's encouragement. Tracey admits to having little confidence, having never been allowed to work during her marriage, but Sharon volunteers her to do some voluntary work for Siobhan, the editor of the prisoners' dependents newsletter. Sharon then goes with Tracey when she goes to apply for a receptionist job but is worried about the application form, which makes her realise how few qualifications and little experience she has. Sharon gets the job by lying on the application form.
29
"The Lost Weekend" Peter Tilbury Nic Phillips 5 October 1991 (1991-10-05) 9.57 30 minutes
It's Thursday night. Dorien's date has been cancelled, and Sharon and Tracey are bored. When the VCR blows up, Dorien generously offers to pay for an activity weekend for the girls. Sharon is unsure about the activity on offer which is hang gliding, later it turns out Dorien has had an accident so the activity weekend is cancelled.
30
"History" Peter Tilbury Nic Phillips 12 October 1991 (1991-10-12) 12.40 30 minutes
Dorien suggests a car-boot sale, and the girls are keen - Sharon can get rid of some of Chris's old stuff, and Tracey will sell things that son Garth has outgrown. However, while clearing out possessions, an old photo is found with Darryl at a party, under the table with someone else. Sharon is chucked out of the house by Tracey for keeping it a secret.
31
"Poetic Justice" Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran Charlie Hanson 19 October 1991 (1991-10-19) 12.40 30 minutes
Chris and Darryl are temporarily in Albany prison on the Isle of Wight. Sharon cancels her visit for Dorien so she can interview Chris about sexual deprivation for her OU dissertation. But while Dorien becomes the centre of attention, Tracey becomes a victim of food poisoning after eating at a motorway cafe.
32
"Favour of the Month" Geoff Rowley Nic Phillips 26 October 1991 (1991-10-26) 12.85 30 minutes
Desmond Gibbs, an 'old prison friend' of Darryl's, turns up at Dalentrace to visit Tracey. With a squash injury keeping Marcus at home - and ruining Dorien's planned adventures with her toyboy - Sharon suggests that the accident-prone Desmond acts as temporary chauffeur.
33
"Cuckoo" Peter Tilbury Charlie Hanson 2 November 1991 (1991-11-02) 12.37 30 minutes
Sharon finds herself facing criminal charges after it is revealed her flat is now housing belligerent squatters Cedric and Egbert; her neighbour has also been acquiring mail-order items using Sharon's identity. Chris offers to sort things out - with the aid of 'Batty' Harold and his mates, who specialise in GBH.
34
"Schooling" Geoff Rowley Charlie Hanson 9 November 1991 (1991-11-09) 12.27 30 minutes
Sharon warns Tracey that her son will be a "mummy's boy" if she isn't careful. Sharon has also taken to dressing up and going out a lot, claiming she is going for job interviews. In fact, she is having lunch with the up-market Mark and they're now on their sixth date. However, her hopes of happiness are dashed when discovering Mark is an overgrown kid controlled by his mother.
35
"Business" Gary Lawson and John Phelps Nic Phillips 16 November 1991 (1991-11-16) 14.36 30 minutes
Sharon's cleaning job has caused her to develop an allergy. Returning from the doctor, she finds a letter from Chris telling her that his Uncle Costas has died and left him his cafe and drinking club. She later visits the cafe and asks Tracey to help her out, but Sharon just lets Tracey do all the work.
Special
36
"We'll Always Have Majorca" Peter Tilbury Nic Phillips 25 December 1991 (1991-12-25) 12.39 50 minutes
Abel Kane, ex-rock star and ex-cellmate of Darryl, offers the sisters, Garth and Dorien free use of his villa in Majorca. On arrival the women are shocked to find Darryl and Chris are there, having escaped whilst touring with the prison rock band. Helpful local Pedro comes in to clean and rescues Sharon, Tracey and Dorien after they have been stranded on an island after a boat trip. On return to the villa, however, they find someone has planted drugs in Dorien's suitcase and the three get thrown in jail. Fortunately, Darryl uses his insider information to bust a drug-smuggling racket and get them all freed.
Series 4 (1992)[edit]
#
Episode
Writer/s
Director
Original airdate
Viewership
Running time
Series
37
"Breadwinner" Gary Lawson and John Phelps Terry Kinane 6 September 1992 (1992-09-06) 12.33 30 minutes
With the cafe going well, Sharon is in the money and rather full of herself. Tracey doesn't like being dependent on her and wants to start a job. In prison, Chris is being obnoxiously vocal about the thriving business and getting right up the noses of his fellow inmates.
38
"Food for Thought" Sue Teddern Terry Kinane 13 September 1992 (1992-09-13) 11.33 30 minutes
Garth has deliberately blown his chance of a City job to go on a catering course in Nottingham. Tracey is upset, but offers to go along with it if he does well working in Sharon's cafe. Meanwhile, Dorien has enrolled on a psychology course in Harlow, posing as a penniless widow to gain her tutor’s sympathy.
39
"Commitments" Sue Teddern Terry Kinane 20 September 1992 (1992-09-20) 10.52 30 minutes
With Marcus away, Dorien briefly moves in with Luke who is now single. Chris tells Sharon of his plans to marry Tina from Cyprus with whom he has been corresponding. But it transpires Tina has ulterior motives and takes the cafe away from Sharon. Fortunately, when Tina sees that the cafe is not what Chris made it out to be, she departs from his life and Sharon is back in business. Dorien later returns to Chigwell because she feels uncomfortable living with Luke.
40
"Wipe That Smile off Your Tape" Miles Tredinnick Terry Kinane 27 September 1992 (1992-09-27) 11.20 30 minutes
Sharon joins a video-dating agency, and Dorien shoots the tape - on which Sharon lies outrageously about her status. She gets tapes from two potential suitors: Mike, who's 'big in the leisure industry', and Jimmy, a nervous flying instructor.
41
"Caring" Gary Lawson and John Phelps Terry Kinane 4 October 1992 (1992-10-04) 11.29 30 minutes
Sharon and Tracey's ageing Aunt Sylvie, who cared for them as teenagers, is in hospital with a broken leg. Sharon insists that she comes to live at Dalentrace rather than go into an old folks' home. But Sylvie proves to be a bit of a handful and eventually it causes the girls to rethink and contemplate old age and their futures.
42
"Nine and a Half Days" Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran Terry Kinane 11 October 1992 (1992-10-11) 11.67 30 minutes
Sharon begins a relationship with Gil, a fellow Support Group member who doesn't want to stay with his wife after she is released from prison. Gil wants Sharon to move to Norfolk with him, but Tracey isn't happy about Sharon's decision. As Sharon is preparing to tell Chris about her new man, worrying news about his cell-mate stops her in her tracks.
43
"Belongings" Geoff Rowley Terry Kinane 18 October 1992 (1992-10-18) 10.99 30 minutes
Sharon has become fed up with the rowdy mechanics and pensioners who form the clientele of the cafe, and closes it down. Dorien urges her to re-launch it as an upmarket bagel bar, this leads to Sharon abandoning the Greek community and being left with an unsuccessful business.
44
"Hungry for Love" Geoffrey Deane Terry Kinane 25 October 1992 (1992-10-25) 12.21 30 minutes
Tracey goes on a strict diet after Darryl makes an innocent remark about her weight. As Tracey becomes increasingly grumpy and hungry from having to eat healthily, Dorien tries to get her personal trainer to take an interest in her.
45
"Time and Tides" Geoff Rowley Terry Kinane 1 November 1992 (1992-11-01) 12.41 30 minutes
Garth has got into the Guinness Book of Records as a champion pancake-tosser, though Darryl doesn't think a sponsored pancake toss is something to be proud of. Meanwhile, Dorien thinks she's pregnant but is in for a shock when it turns out she is going through the menopause. She becomes depressed but is soon back to her old ways when Sharon suggests something.
46
"Sisters Are Doing It" Sue Teddern Terry Kinane 8 November 1992 (1992-11-08) 12.74 30 minutes
Tracey is suffering sexual harassment from the boss in her new temporary job as a secretary. She says it's badinage that she simply has to tolerate; Sharon and Dorien are incensed and decide to plan a Thelma and Louise-style revenge on the boss.
47
"The Front" Peter Tilbury Terry Kinane 15 November 1992 (1992-11-15) 13.08 30 minutes
Dorien's manuscript, Promises To Keep, has been taken up by a publisher, but it's too raunchy to publish under her own name. She has already given her name as 'Sharon Theodopolopoudos'; now she needs the girls' help to keep up the pretence.
48
"Okey-Cokey-Karaoke" Geoffrey Deane Terry Kinane 22 November 1992 (1992-11-22) 12.78 30 minutes
Sharon and Tracey participate in a singing competition to win money for a holiday. Only solo acts are permitted, so Sharon goes onstage alone - and wins the heat. But when stage fright assails her at the final, Dorien steps in her place, singing a stunning performance of Like a Virgin, and wins the money for the girls.
49
"Loyalty" Gary Lawson and John Phelps Terry Kinane 29 November 1992 (1992-11-29) 12.25 30 minutes
While Dorien seeks a destination for all the money Marcus has given her, it's all bad news for Sharon - the landlords have refused permission for alterations at the cafe, and intend to double the rent. There is a solution, but it would involve using Dalentrace as collateral and Tracey and Darryl are none too pleased to hear about it.
Special
50
"The Chigwell Connection" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Terry Kinane 25 December 1992 (1992-12-25) 16.88 50 minutes
When doubt is cast on the integrity of the officer who arrested Chris and Darryl, the sisters start a campaign to Free the Chigwell Two. Dorien, meanwhile, suffers humiliation at the hands of tennis playing gossip queen Melanie Fishman when Marcus is accused of drug-running.
Series 5 (1993)[edit]
#
Episode
Writer/s
Director
Original airdate
Viewership
Running time
Series
51
"High Fidelity" Jenny LeCoat Terry Kinane 5 September 1993 (1993-09-05) 13.76 30 minutes
Dorien's pursuing male model Jason with little success, while both Sharon and Tracey are attracted to his friend, Mark. As Mark can't read, Sharon gives him lessons - but it's Tracey he's interested in. Sharon is quick to remind her sister she is still married.
52
"Bang" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Terry Kinane 12 September 1993 (1993-09-12) 14.72 30 minutes
Sharon accidentally blows up the kitchen after leaving the gas on. As the insurance policy only covers 75 per cent of the cost, Sharon asks her friend Nobby to fit a new kitchen cheaply. Dorien invites Sharon and Tracey to stay with her while the kitchen is fitted, as a way to avoid a weekend with her mother-in-law. However, Dorien proves to be a far from gracious host, and the sisters quickly outstay their welcome.
53
"Non-Starter" Geoff Rowley Terry Kinane 19 September 1993 (1993-09-19) 14.56 30 minutes
Dorien tries, and fails, to sell her unwanted furniture, and Sharon badgers Tracey into giving her driving lessons; after one of Sharon's disastrous driving tests it doesn't take long for Tracey's nerves to go bad. Eventually, Sharon's driving errors lead to her crashing into the van taking Darryl and Chris to a new prison, and the girls are suspected of organising a jail-break - before making the joke spot on the news.
54
"Absent Friends" Geoff Rowley Charlie Hanson 26 September 1993 (1993-09-26) 11.59 30 minutes
After a spate of burglaries, the sisters find themselves on the agenda of a Neighbourhood Watch meeting at Dorien's house. But is there a connection between the crimes and the anonymous letters and calls Tracey has been receiving?
55
"Suspicious Minds" Tony Millan & Mike Walling Terry Kinane 3 October 1993 (1993-10-03) 11.56 30 minutes
Chris proudly announces he has done a deal to arrange a delivery of cheap food to the cafe. Sharon is not pleased. Dorien and Marcus fall out because Marcus seems to spend more time with other people than with his wife. When Marcus doesn't show up to help Sharon with her tax like he said he would, the sisters get suspicious. There suspicions are made worse when they find Dorien burying something big in her garden in the middle of the night...
56
"Dead Loss" Geoff Rowley Terry Kinane 10 October 1993 (1993-10-10) 11.33 30 minutes
Chris gets compassionate leave after his mother dies but, after the funeral, he goes on a drunken bender and is adamant that he is not going back to prison. Dorien, meanwhile, is incensed - her "frenemy" Melanie Fishman has beaten her for providing the best charity. On learning that Chris's mother has died, she sees a chance to regain status by comforting mourners at the wake.
57
"A Brush With the Law" Sue Teddern Terry Kinane 17 October 1993 (1993-10-17) 10.94 30 minutes
Tracey reveals a talent for decorating, and Dorien suggests launching an interior design business. The plan is for Tracey to do the work while Dorien scours the countryside for antiques; their first client is to Melanie Fishman. Sharon meets the attractive Colin in a cinema queue and they click, but he has failed to tell her that he is a policeman. Sharon feels that their future is doomed, though he would still like them to be friends.
58
"Mind Over Matter" Richard Preddy & Gary Howe Charlie Hanson 24 October 1993 (1993-10-24) 11.07 30 minutes
Sharon has raging toothache, but also a phobia about dentists. Dorien is terrified of spiders. They agree that if Dorien confronts her fear of spiders then Sharon will have treatment under hypnosis provided by Dorien. However, Dorien's hypnosis lands Sharon in hospital and when the sisters and Dorien arrive back home after going for a few drinks to celebrate Sharon overcoming her fear, Sharon soon realises where she had all the money to afford the drinks which could land Chris in trouble.
59
"East Side Story" Geoffrey Deane Terry Kinane 31 October 1993 (1993-10-31) 11.79 30 minutes
Sharon thinks Garth should have a proper social life instead of lounging around at home. Rosa, the teenage daughter of Marcus's cousin Fay, who Dorien is asked to 'baby-sit' arrives and Garth tries to bond with her. Unfortunately, Rosa turns out to be not quite so demure as she would like people to believe.
60
"Find the Lady" Peter Tilbury Charlie Hanson 7 November 1993 (1993-11-07) 10.92 30 minutes
Tracey meets Darryl's pension advisor, who spots a large unexplained payment in 1988. It seems Darryl and Chris were in on a fiddle suggested by a bent tax inspector, and the money was invested with a financial advisor who now proves elusive. Tracey is worried so it's up to her, Sharon, Dorien and Garth to tackle some detective work.
61
"An Inspector Stays" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Terry Kinane 14 November 1993 (1993-11-14) 11.41 30 minutes
Sharon's relationship with Colin (Eamonn Walker) is blossoming; he is introducing her to culture, and she's started listening to classical music. Then, he asks if the police can use Dalentrace to mount a surveillance operation. Tracey is unhappy with undercover detectives staying at her house, and she also fears Garth is taking drugs. Later, the sisters discover the detective is a cheat and using Tracey’s house for immoral purposes.
62
"All Gone Pear Shaped" Sue Teddern Terry Kinane 21 November 1993 (1993-11-21) 11.86 30 minutes
Sharon tells Chris that her relationship with Colin is serious, although she doesn't initially reveal that he's a policeman. But when Colin plans a surprise evening with friends - all of whom work in the police force - she begins to have doubts. Meanwhile, Tracey helps a prisoner’s wife called Hailey, and Dorien feels left out as the sisters seem to not have time for her.
63
"The Beautiful Game" Geoffrey Deane Charlie Hanson 28 November 1993 (1993-11-28) 11.67 30 minutes
Chris urges Sharon to contact a cousin, Helena, whose father is wealthy and whose son, Nicky, is a keen footballer - there could be money in it. At Nicky's next match, Tracey surprises everyone with her determination towards football and lands the role of manager. Sharon and Tracey come to blows, as the two have very different ideas with regards to team spirit and sportsman-ship. Sharon and Dorien also fall out over a game of Monopoly.
Special
64
"It Happened In Hollywood" Geoffrey Deane Charlie Hanson 25 December 1993 (1993-12-25) 19.39 60 minutes
At the funeral of their Aunt Sylvie, an old male friend of Sylvia's gives Sharon and Tracey the key to a safety deposit box, which contains their real birth certificates. Their father's name is George Hamilton - who they believe to be George Hamilton, the Hollywood actor. Thanks to Dorien, who of course goes with them, the sisters fly out to Hollywood to track him down. Their plans to confront him do not go well as they are chased off a film set, and Dorien mistakenly imprisoned for stalking the actor George Wendt. Fate eventually intervenes and they get to spend an afternoon with Hamilton, who turns out not to be their father after all. Though they never learn it, the truth is far less glamorous.
Series 6 (1994)[edit]
#
Episode
Writer(s)
Director
Original air date
Viewership
Running time
Series
65
"Not In My Backyard" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Charlie Hanson 18 September 1994 (1994-09-18) 8.74 30 minutes
Someone has bought the neighbouring Theydon Lodge, and wants to buy twenty feet of back garden from Dorien and Tracey in order to build a sports complex. Dorien is unwilling, but comes round when Tracey convinces her that their new neighbour is Princess Diana. Dorien has high hopes for raised house prices and status, which only leads to disappointment when the neighbour only turns out to be just a Diana lookalike.
66
"Mrs Robinson" Geoff Rowley Charlie Hanson 25 September 1994 (1994-09-25) 8.37 30 minutes
Garth is seeing Linda, an older divorcée - to Tracey's alarm. Chris, meanwhile, has turned his hand to creative writing; Sharon is shocked by his work and brands it as 'filth', and Dorien wants to know if any other inmates are writing similar material.
67
"First Time Caller" Tony Millan & Mike Walling Charlie Hanson 2 October 1994 (1994-10-02) 8.85 30 minutes
Dorien is taking a first-aid course, albeit for dubious reasons, and Sharon is doing a special breakfast deal for pensioners – but what is Tracey doing that's useful? When Darryl fails to reassure her, a radio show seems to offer the answer.
68
"Compulsion" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Charlie Hanson 9 October 1994 (1994-10-09) 8.93 30 minutes
Tracey attempts to master her new knitting machine but only manages to produce a waistcoat that looks more like a dishcloth. Dorien, meanwhile, is embarking on some immense spending sprees, so the girls try to get to the root of the problem. It turns out to be a reaction against her mother marrying some other man.
69
"All Day and All of the Night" Alun Lewis Terry Kinane 16 October 1994 (1994-10-16) 10.16 30 minutes
To comply with the health inspector's demands, Sharon is having some work done at the cafe. Chris's cousin Georgiou is supposed to be doing it on the cheap, but has instead turned the place into a nightclub - and is splitting the proceeds with Chris.
70
"Appreciation Society" Geoff Rowley Charlie Hanson 23 October 1994 (1994-10-23) 9.67 30 minutes
Sharon complains about how hard it is at the café, but Tracey retorts it's just as hard work at home. After a heated argument, Sharon and Tracey agree to change places for a week: Sharon will be Garth's 'mum' and Tracey will run the café. Meanwhile, Dorien has gone into hiding after receiving anonymous letters threatening to expose her affairs.
71
"Moving" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Charlie Hanson 30 October 1994 (1994-10-30) 10.41 30 minutes
After a conversation with Darryl, Tracey considers selling the house and making a move to the country. Garth, meanwhile, makes himself at home in the newly-converted flat above Sharon's cafe. His relationship with flatmate Kate is supposedly platonic – he's even told her that he's gay - but Sharon finds out Garth's lying and also finds out she will be left behind if Tracey leaves for the country.
72
"Out" Gary Lawson and John Phelps Charlie Hanson 6 November 1994 (1994-11-06) 10.28 30 minutes
Sharon is angry because Chris has applied for home leave; she feels twelve years should mean twelve years. Tracey asks Sharon why she stays with Chris if he's so terrible? But Chris insists he's a changed man until he is caught flirting with the probation officer.
73
"In At the Deep End" Tony Millan & Mike Walling Terry Kinane 13 November 1994 (1994-11-13) 9.44 30 minutes
Tracey opens a letter to Darryl asking him to install a swimming pool. Sharon says a swimming pool is only a hole in the ground with tiles, and building one shouldn't be difficult; after all, she has a cafe full of builders.
74
"Business Is Business" Geoff Rowley Terry Kinane 20 November 1994 (1994-11-20) 10.62 30 minutes
Sharon is struggling to combine running the cafe with the new pool business, and is desperate for the cafe to be sold. Chris makes her promise she will sell it to a Greek, but Marcus has a client apparently offering £30,000. Dorien's holiday depends on it.
75
"Puppy Love" Sue Teddern Terry Kinane 27 November 1994 (1994-11-27) 9.76 30 minutes
The girls reminisce about their childhood sweethearts, and decide to trace them. There are surprises all round - Dorien's childhood sweetheart Derek Henty is now a government minister, who thinks he's fallen victim to blackmail. Sharon meets up with a once spotty schoolboy who is now a dashing gay hunk. To make Dorien jealous, Sharon pretends she will be marrying him.
76
"Still Waters Run Deep" Geoffrey Deane Terry Kinane 4 December 1994 (1994-12-04) 12.78 30 minutes
The swimming pool business is thriving and Sharon and Tracey are happy. Then, prospective client Monty Kray asks for a pool to be installed within days, as a present for his wife while they're away. The girls agree, unaware that Kenny and the boys are in Florida. Meanwhile, Dorien is consumed by guilt when Marcus suffers a heart attack.
77
"On the Glass" Geoffrey Deane Terry Kinane 18 December 1994 (1994-12-18) 11.14 30 minutes
The order book is empty, and Sharon is cleaned out after a bout of extravagant spending. Dorien is fed up because Marcus is hanging around her while recovering from his heart attack and has slashed her credit-card limit.
Specials
78
"Christmas In Dreamland" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Charlie Hanson 24 December 1994 (1994-12-24) 13.79 50 minutes
It's Christmas Day. After over-indulging, Sharon nods off and dreams of a very different life. Chris is a rich and famous pop star, she is his glamorous diva wife, and Dorien is their virginal spinster cleaning lady. Tracey, meanwhile, is a down and out, living in a council flat with her layabout husband Darryl and their delinquent son Garth.
79
"The Chigwell Years" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Charlie Hanson 3 March 1996 (1996-03-03) 13.56 30 minutes
As Tracey prepares to write her autobiography, the sisters and Dorien reminisce about the six years that they have been neighbours and friends (using clips from previous series).
Series 7 (1997)[edit]
#
Episode
Writer/s
Director
Original airdate
Viewership
Running time
Series
80
"Stand By Your Man" Sue Teddern Baz Taylor 26 May 1997 (1997-05-26) 9.85 30 minutes
Brute force or blatant charm; one or the other is needed fast if Sharon and Tracey are to stop their swimming pool business from going down the drain. However, a phone call brings exciting news for Tracey - Darryl is being released from prison in a fortnight. For Sharon the news is far from exciting, especially after Chris reveals he is also being released.
81
"Nearest and Dearest" Damon Rochefort Baz Taylor 2 June 1997 (1997-06-02) 8.12 30 minutes
Sharon has a blazing row with Dorien, leading to her believing she has to alter her selfish ways. In an attempt to be more thoughtful, Dorien organises a day of opera and manicures for herself and Sharon. Sharon isn’t keen on the idea and explains she’s attending a funeral on that day - however, her plan goes pear-shaped when Dorien offers to come to the funeral with her. Meanwhile, Darryl is just one week away from coming home, and Tracey is seeking some tips to put the magic back into her marriage.
82
"Cheers" Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran Baz Taylor 9 June 1997 (1997-06-09) 8.33 30 minutes
Darryl and Chris are released from prison. Chris gets hit by a car on the way out of the prison and spends his first free night in hospital. This leaves Sharon free to invite "Snotty Scotty", an old school friend, to Darryl’s welcome-home party. Unfortunately for Tracey, Darryl's homecoming is blighted by temporary impotence and he spends the night down the pub. Meanwhile, Marcus finally catches Dorien in the act with a business associate.
83
"Relative Strangers" Geoff Rowley Baz Taylor 16 June 1997 (1997-06-16) 8.15 30 minutes
Dorien has moved in with her mother after being kicked out by Marcus, but then discovers her husband has been leading a double life. Darryl readjusts himself to life back at home, and Chris is safely installed in a flat, determined to win Sharon's affections. Darryl throws Sharon out of his house after a heated argument, leaving Sharon no choice but to move in with Chris.
84
"Porridge" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Baz Taylor 23 June 1997 (1997-06-23) 8.35 30 minutes
Sharon isn't happy about living with Chris and is prepared to go to any lengths to get a home of her own. Dorien is determined to win custody of the house and, posing as a barmaid, tracks down Marcus’s mistress in order to find out some home truths. Meanwhile, after failing to bring home the bacon, Darryl meets a trickster who supplies him with counterfeit money. Chris and Darryl are both caught and are sent back to prison at HMP Slade, made famous in Ronnie Barker's Porridge.
85
"Rising Damp" Sue Teddern Baz Taylor 30 June 1997 (1997-06-30) 8.30 30 minutes
Tracey decides to forget about Darryl and tries to live life to the full, and heads out on the pull to find men much to Sharon's disgust. While Garth is baffled by his mum's behaviour, Sharon gets on the TV to appeal for Chris's release, but ends up fighting the channel’s mascot - a man dressed as a dog. Dorien gets her house back from Marcus.
86
"Three Up, Two Down" Gary Lawson and John Phelps Baz Taylor 7 July 1997 (1997-07-07) 7.60 30 minutes
Dalentrace is in jeopardy as Sharon and Tracey sink into debt; Dorien's generosity cannot be a permanent solution. But Tracey is becoming a decisive woman, and is taking matters into her own hands. Garth, meanwhile, decides to move in with his girlfriend Kimberly.
87
"Are You Being Served?" Gary Lawson and John Phelps Baz Taylor 14 July 1997 (1997-07-14) 7.76 30 minutes
Sharon and Tracey try to adjust to life in their new home. Sharon decides that she wants to have a baby and tries to find a man. Dorien has returned home from a holiday in Monaco and has met a man. It turns out that the man has been reported in most of the tabloids, Dorien is disappointed that she isn't featured in the articles as well.
88
"Never the Twain" Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran Baz Taylor 21 July 1997 (1997-07-21) 7.48 30 minutes
Dorien is holed up in a Lake District hotel being pampered and speaking with journalist David Kane. Sharon has started thinking about adoption, while Garth is worried about his dad. The sisters set off to visit their husbands in their new prison, Slade, but later become stranded on a train during a blizzard.
89
"Three's Company" Geoff Rowley Baz Taylor 28 July 1997 (1997-07-28) 6.74 30 minutes
Sharon is still assessing men for their reproductive potential, making Tracey feel rather uncomfortable. 'Nouveau destitute' Dorien suddenly recalls she has a very rich mother-in-law, while Tracey drops the bombshell that she is pregnant and isn't sure it's Darryl's.
Special
90
"Reservoir Birds" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Hugh Thomas 27 December 1997 (1997-12-27) 12.36 50 minutes
Sharon and Tracey are working at a casino, Tracey is a croupier and Sharon is cleaning the toilets. The girls agree to take part in a publicity stunt in which Sharon 'appears' to win a million pounds. The sisters are unaware that they have been set up as thieves by the corrupt casino broker, Davey Cooper, who is in league with a bent cop. The plan is that the girls get the blame and are arrested whilst Cooper pockets the millions. Sharon and Tracey go on the run, helped by their cousin Dawn, who is getting married, culminating in a chase where Sharon, Tracey, and Dorien - who just happens to have slept with Davey - are taken hostage but pull together to clear their names.
Series 8 (1998)[edit]
#
Episode
Writer/s
Director
Original airdate
Viewership
Running time
Series
91
"Trouble and Strife" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Hugh Thomas 5 January 1998 (1998-01-05) 11.31 30 minutes
When Sharon wrecks Tracey's bed, it is the final straw. She promises to get a job and make a contribution - especially with Tracey's baby on the way. A stint in an abattoir ends when she is sacked for stealing meat, but Dorien is looking for a cleaner.
92
"The Essex Patient" Damon Rochefort Hugh Thomas 12 January 1998 (1998-01-12) 11.64 30 minutes
Tracey and Sharon hit on a name for their new cleaning business: 'Maids of Ongar'. Then, after a strenuous day's work, Sharon begins to feel ill; before long she starts to faint. Dorien's energy-channelling session fails to help. She then arrives from the hospital announcing that she has an allergy, but it's later found to be self-inflicted due to her over eating.
93
"Maids of Ongar" Sam Lawrence Hugh Thomas 19 January 1998 (1998-01-19) 13.30 30 minutes
The girls are short of money, and go to see bank manager Martin Mann but he refuses to lend money to the wives of bank robbers - particularly as he was the bank manager Darryl and Chris robbed. Sharon and Tracey decide to let Dorien offer them a job cleaning at a hotel.
94
"Baggage" Georf Rowley Hugh Thomas 26 January 1998 (1998-01-26) 13.21 30 minutes
Sharon and Tracey attend a school reunion. Sharon finds out that Margie is still the bully she once was when they were children, and Poxy Loxy is as leery as ever - trying to seduce Tracey. Meanwhile, Dorien meets someone from the past.
95
"Can't Judge a Book" Sue Teddern Hugh Thomas 2 February 1998 (1998-02-02) 10.98 30 minutes
Tracey wants Sharon to lose weight. Sharon doesn't think she can do it, but Tracey offers to help. Later, Sharon's weight-loss campaign suffers a setback when Chris reveals he's in love with a female visitor who is overweight, who Sharon talked to in a queue outside the prison. Tracey's efforts to get Dorien to dress her age are sabotaged by the bitchy Melanie Fishman and Dorien's new beau, Richard.
96
"Money" Ian Davidson & Peter Vincent Hugh Thomas 9 February 1998 (1998-02-09) 12.14 30 minutes
When Richard asks the girls to clean his house, Dorien asks them to so some spying for her. Garth, meanwhile, is short of money. Should Tracey tell him his endowment policy has matured, or take Sharon's advice and spend it on a holiday?
Series 9 (1998)[edit]
#
Episode
Writer/s
Director
Original airdate
Viewership
Running time
Series
97
"Ghost" Geoff Rowley Terry Kinane 16 November 1998 (1998-11-16) 11.89 30 minutes
The heavily pregnant Tracey is fed up with Sharon's slobbish habits - in particular her tendency to leave all the kitchen drawers open. But Sharon insists she didn't leave the drawers open, and when things start to go bump in the night, Tracey becomes convinced they're sharing the house with a poltergeist; thus, the girls and Dorien hold a séance.
98
"Mummies And Daddies" Sam Lawrence Terry Kinane 23 November 1998 (1998-11-23) 10.98 30 minutes
Tracey is shocked to hear that Garth has apparently abandoned ex-girlfriend Kimberley while she is pregnant. However, it turns out to be a misunderstanding and the two are soon reunited and then engaged. Meanwhile, Dorien needs to get to her boyfriend Richard’s before he returns home to find the malicious answer message she has left him, while Tina - a member of the team Maids of Ongar has trouble with her boyfriend and causes problems with the directors.
99
"Sunday" Geoff Rowley Terry Kinane 30 November 1998 (1998-11-30) 11.22 30 minutes
To relieve their boredom, Sharon, Tracey and Dorien head off to an antique market. They drive into a deserted warehouse, and later find out that they have been locked in the car park and will not be released until next week. They are trapped, and the only escape route is via a particularly nasty gents' lavatory.
100
"Model" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Terry Kinane 7 December 1998 (1998-12-07) 11.82 30 minutes
A security monitor zooms in on Sharon as she browses in a department store. A little later, a woman approaches her; not the store detective, but a scout for a modelling agency specialising in plus-size models. Tracey becomes envious, and Dorien appoints herself manager of 'Sharon T'.
101
"Nuptials" Gary Lawson and John Phelps Terry Kinane 14 December 1998 (1998-12-14) 11.73 30 minutes
It is Kimberley and Garth's wedding day. Darryl's father gives Garth a £50 loan rather than a present, telling him to go away until he goes off the idea of marriage. The less impeccable side of Sharon and Tracey's family arrives in a minibus and Kimberley's mother complains throughout the wedding ceremony. Meanwhile, it’s Dorien’s 50th birthday - but feels old and lonely, and attempts to commit suicide.
Special
102
"Holy Ground" Geoff Rowley Terry Kinane 24 December 1998 (1998-12-24) 8.74 40 minutes
A solicitor's letter reveals an unknown slice of family history for Sharon and Tracey. They decide to go with Dorien to Tipperary, Ireland, so they can find out more about the family and Dorien can visit her horse. The girls hear that Uncle Declan has just died. Unfortunately, the sisters arrive to find they have been left a field. Dorien is not happy either, when discovering her horse is a pregnant one. There's a surprise in store for Tracey as she gives birth in a stable.
Series 10 (2014)[edit]
#
Episode
Writer/s
Director
Original airdate
Viewership
Running time
Series
103
"Gimme Shelter" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Nick Wood 2 January 2014 (2014-01-02) 9.51 22 minutes
Sharon's living back in her council flat and Tracey's still in Chigwell with younger son Travis… but what's become of Dorien? What can bring the Birds back together? And who else might return to the nest?
104
"Slave" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Nick Wood 9 January 2014 (2014-01-09) 8.61 22 minutes
Now that Sharon has given up work to skivvy for Dorien full-time, Tracey is the only one in the house bringing in a wage. It’s not enough for Tracey to pay all the household bills, so Dorien offers to dip into her savings for some rent - but when she calls the bank, it emerges that everything she has is going in legal fees. In desperation, Sharon and Tracey decide to take Dorien to a car boot sale to raise some much-needed funds. They sell Dorien’s beloved designer collection, right down to the shoes on her feet, which are bought by Amy Childs from The Only Way Is Essex. Garth has found a job in sandwich shop Seedy McCrusty’s, and Sharon has agreed to go back to working the tills at discount store World of Quid, but it’s not enough - Dorien has to get a job there!
105
"Hot Stuff" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Nick Wood 16 January 2014 (2014-01-16) 6.61 22 minutes
Money and space are still tight – and now Tracey can’t ignore the fact that Garth and Marcie aren’t getting any "together time" – so it’s all change in the bedrooms again to give them space. After failing to sleep in the lounge, Sharon tries to bed down in the loft; where she makes an unexpected discovery that might solve all their problems.
106
"Hearts For Sale" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Dez McCarthy 23 January 2014 (2014-01-23) 6.86 22 minutes
Tracey, Sharon and Dorien each get romantically involved with three very different men. Travis has romantic troubles of his own, and Garth and Marcie decide to raise money to refurbish their new pub by having a pop-up restaurant evening at Tracey’s, where everyone’s romantic ambitions are crushed...
107
"Tattoo You" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Dez McCarthy 30 January 2014 (2014-01-30) 6.46 22 minutes
Everyone is complaining about Tracey’s miserable expression, which leads to her becoming self-conscious about her appearance. After being dumped by girlfriend Rosie, Travis chose a tattoo to show how much he loves her, much to Tracey's rage, however she is quickly exposed as a hypocrite after Dorien reveals Tracey has secretly resorted to Botox to improve her expression. Sharon is always turning up the television volume and asking people to repeat themselves - so when she goes to see the doctor, she discovers something shocking; she needs hearing aids.
108
"Blinded By Love" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Dez McCarthy 6 February 2014 (2014-02-06) 6.04 22 minutes
Sharon’s estranged husband Chris gets in touch. He’s met someone new – a lady called Angie, who is friendly, vivacious, and blind. Chris wants to divorce Sharon so they can get married, but Tracey has her doubts. Dorien meets a handsome blind man at Chris and Angie’s engagement party; who takes a shine to her.
(Note: reappearance of Chris Theodopolopodous played by original actor David Cardy.)
109
"Back to Zero" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Dez McCarthy 13 February 2014 (2014-02-13) 6.02 22 minutes
Sharon, Tracey and Dorien all lose their jobs and the resulting financial crisis leads to a huge row. Some home truths are revealed and the three of them hit rock bottom. Meanwhile, thanks to a mystery celebrity Twitter endorsement, Garth and Marcie's pub has had a successful launch - meaning they're finally earning money.
110
"You Can't Always Get What You Want" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Dez McCarthy 6 March 2014 (2014-03-06) 5.32 22 minutes
Sharon and Tracey get a glimpse of a possible future when they see two elderly sisters in the supermarket - which worries them. Dorien's court case comes to a conclusion – but what will the verdict be?
Specials
–
"Text Santa Special" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran TBA 19 December 2014 (2014-12-19) 3.86 5 minutes
A special sketch for Text Santa featuring Paul O'Grady as Santa Claus.
111
"Birds on a Plane" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Martin Dennis 26 December 2014 (2014-12-26) 5.60 22 minutes
Dorien is treating Sharon and Tracey to a Christmas trip to the Canary Islands. With Sharon's old work friends and a overdramatic passenger also on board, the plane does not reach its destination...
Series 11 (2015)[edit]
An eleventh series was announced in March 2014, the day of the previous series concluding. Filming took place at Pinewood Studios in October and November 2014.[5][6]
#
Episode
Writer/s
Director
Original airdate
Viewership
Running time
Series
112
"There's Something About Sharon" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Martin Dennis 1 January 2015 (2015-01-01) 4.91 22 minutes
Dorien is told her next book must be about spying. She then gets the idea that Sharon could be the heroine for her next book if she gets a job at MI5. When Sharon finds out a big argument takes place before Sharon gets her own back on Dorien. Tracey's got her hands full with a despondent Garth.
113
"Guess Who's Coming to Essex?" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Martin Dennis 8 January 2015 (2015-01-08) 4.19 22 minutes
While sorting through her fan mail, Dorien discovers a letter which she throws in the bin. Sharon decides to read what it was and her and Tracey are shocked to discover that Dorien has been keeping a secret for 50 years.
114
"The Girls with the Pearl Buttons" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Martin Dennis 15 January 2015 (2015-01-15) 4.63 22 minutes
Tracey and Sharon are both been nominated by Auntie Vera to take over her Pearly Queen title. It's war as they try to outdo each other. meanwhile, Dorian tries to bond with her long-lost daughter Naomi, but upon learning she is a vicar, she fears they have nothing in common.
115
"Tracey's Choice" Susan Nickson Martin Dennis 22 January 2015 (2015-01-22) 3.88 22 minutes
Dorien's Book Group is convening to discuss Crime and Punishment – which turns out to be rather applicable to the events that unfold in Tracey's household after Travis gets arrested.
116
"The Chief, The Cook, His Mum and Her Lodger" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Martin Dennis 29 January 2015 (2015-01-29) 4.38 22 minutes
With Tracey in prison, Sharon has been knocking the household into shape in her absence, and meanwhile Dorien is spending money like it's going out of fashion. So ends up hading to work for Sharon at the local school kitchen long with Tracey
117
"Without a Trace" (Part 1) Gary Lawson & John Phelps Martin Dennis 5 February 2015 (2015-02-05) 4.18 22 minutes
Sharon makes plans to take Tracey and Dorien on a madcap 70s weekender, but there is no dressing up the news that Tracey is about to receive.
118
"Spa Wars" (Part 2) Gary Lawson & John Phelps Martin Dennis 12 February 2015 (2015-02-12) 4.12 22 minutes
Tracey and Sharon take a trip to a Spa to cope with Tracey's shattering news and try to make plans for the future: and Dorien prepares to say a long goodbye to her daughter.
Series 12 (2016)[edit]
#
Episode
Writer/s
Director
Original airdate
Viewership
Running time
Series
119
"Knocking on Heaven's Door (Part 1)" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Martin Dennis 7 January 2016 (2016-01-07) 5.34 22 minutes When Darryl dies, Tracey has to decide what kind of a send-off to give him. Sharon wants it to be nice for the boys, Dorien has got the perfect outfit, and Chigwell's criminal fraternity want to make it special.
120
"Too Much of Nothing (Part 2)" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Martin Dennis 14 January 2016 (2016-01-14)[7] 5.84 22 minutes
During Darryl's funeral, Tracey's house is burgled. The family decide it is up to them to track down their possessions and set out on a trail involving a snooker club, a pawnbroker and the infamous Theydon Boys drag club.
121
"Tombstone Blues" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran and Susan Nickson Martin Dennis 21 January 2016 (2016-01-21) 5.43 22 minutes
Sharon's disapproval of Tracey dating policeman Barry and apparently overlooking Garth's feelings for his dad lead to a major quarrel between the sisters. Is it one that Dorien, in her new role as Agony Aunt for Get-A-Life Magazine, can solve?
122
"Going, Going, Gone" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Martin Dennis 28 January 2016 (2016-01-28) 5.55 22 minutes
Tracey's had enough of Dorien entertaining gentlemen callers and Sharon not bringing in a living wage, and throws them both out. Holed up in Sharon's old bedsit, the two of them take a united stand...or do they?
123
"Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Martin Dennis 4 February 2016 (2016-02-04) 4.21 22 minutes
Auntie Vera's got problems with her hips and her block's defective lifts so tells Sharon and Tracey she's moving in with them. But Tracey's only got one room available: it's Dorien's... and Dorien is dismayed to be told that family comes first.
124
"Abandoned Love" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Martin Dennis 11 February 2016 (2016-02-11) 4.20 22 minutes
A surprise visitor in the form of the attractive Emma turns up at Tracey's house. Sharon's suspicious, Tracey is welcoming, and Dorien is shocked to the core. Travis, on the other hand, is over the moon.
125
"Blonde on Blonde" Gary Lawson & John Phelps Martin Dennis 18 February 2016 (2016-02-18) 5.19 22 minutes
Travis has serious school news that he's scared to break to his mum. Sharon decides she'll pass herself off as Tracey and sort out his problems, but her efforts land the family in a mess that only arch-seducer Dorien can get them out of.
126
"Forever Young" Laurence Marks & Maurice Gran Martin Dennis 25 February 2016 (2016-02-25) 4.39 22 minutes
Sharon and Tracey suspect that Dorien is fast approaching "The Big Seven-0", and decide that, whether she likes it or not, the event calls for celebration.
Specials
127
"There's a Girl in My Souk[8]" Laurence Marks, Maurice Gran, Gary Lawson & John Phelps[9] Martin Dennis[10] 24 December 2016 (2016-12-24) 4.46 45 minutes
Tracey's son Travis mysteriously vanishes in Tangiers, Morocco during his gap year - so the girls fly out to find him. Will they be back in Chigwell for Christmas?
128
"The House For The Rising Sons" Laurence Marks, Maurice Gran, Gary Lawson & John Phelps Martin Dennis 18 December 2017 (2017-12-18) 4.83 45 minutes
It’s Christmas in Chigwell and the Birds are back. Tracey has got big plans that could upset the festive harmony in the house, Sharon has found a novel way of doing her Christmas shopping and Dorien has got a mystery to solve. What could possibly go wrong? Elsewhere, Garth decides to help the homeless after meeting an attractive homeless busker (guest star Emily Atack), and Travis' new career choice puts him in a difficult place, with Sharon's new shopping method and the family's criminal heritage.
Series 13 (2018)[edit]
Series 13 (the fourth on ITV) is due to air in 2018.
References[edit]
^ Jump up to: a b c d Lewishohn, Mark (2003). Radio Times Guide to TV Comedy. London: BBC Worldwide. ISBN 0-563-48755-0.
Jump up ^ "Birds of a Feather return watched by nearly 8 million viewers to become 'ITV's best-performing sitcom since 2000'". Mirror. 3 January 2014.
Jump up ^ "Birds of a Feather recommissioned for second ITV series". Digital Spy. Retrieved 7 March 2014.
^ Jump up to: a b http://www.itv.com/presscentre/ep1week1/birds-feather-0
Jump up ^ "The 12 treats of Xmas TV: From Dustin Hoffman romancing Dame Judi to a VERY special Downton, a sneak preview of this year's Christmas crackers". Mail Online. 21 November 2014. Retrieved 10 December 2015.
Jump up ^ "Birds Of A Feather to return for eleventh series". British Comedy Guide. Retrieved 7 March 2014.
Jump up ^ http://www.itv.com/presscentre/ep2week2/birds-feather-0
Jump up ^ http://www.radiotimes.com/tv-programme/e/fhb8bt/birds-of-a-feather--theres-a-girl-in-my-souk
Jump up ^ http://www.radiotimes.com/tv-programme/e/fhb8bt/birds-of-a-feather--theres-a-girl-in-my-souk
Jump up ^ http://www.radiotimes.com/tv-programme/e/fhb8bt/birds-of-a-feather--theres-a-girl-in-my-souk
External links[edit]
List of Birds of a Feather episodes at BBC Programmes
List of Birds of a Feather episodes at epguides.com
List of Birds of a Feather episodes at TV.com
List of Birds of a Feather episodes on IMDb
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=List_of_Birds_of_a_Feather_episodes&oldid=836978596"
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